Our team is available 24/7 Call Sparrow at 212-920-5422 If you need immediate assistance our team is available 24/7. Call Sparrow at 212-920-5422
Home / Q&A / Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Amber Carvaly
Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Amber Carvaly

Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Amber Carvaly

How old do you want to live to be?

I’m not sure how I want to be actually. I know that I want to be healthy and I am terrified of living to an age where I can no longer take care of myself or do the things we take for granted like simply walking outside, or even being able to go to the bathroom by myself!

Do you have a fantasy funeral?

I want something really simple. I’d like a green burial. And I just want to be buried somewhere quiet and peaceful where I can go back into the earth. I would hope that people have a party and eat and drink and celebrate the time they have left.

What scares you the most about dying?

I am fairly scared of the unknown. I am not sure I believe that there is anything after this and that scares me. I feel that I could face the pain of dying but knowing that this may be all we have is really scary to me.

What would your 3 pieces of wisdom be for the those left behind?

Don’t live as if there is “no tomorrow, cuz if there is one you’ll deal with those consequences!” But live today in a way where you are not worried about what other people are going to say about you tomorrow.

Be kind to everyone. You never know how your small act will make a huge difference in their life.

Be cringe. It’s a reiteration of my first advice, but I cannot cannot communicate how important it is to be happy and be yourself. So be cringey. Be weird. Be yourself (as long as it’s kind)

If you had a destination funeral where would it be?

I love the desert and have such a bizarre, there is no place like home sorta mindset, so my destination funeral would be Palm Springs because it’s the place that brings me the most joy. I would want people to go party at the Ace Hotel and go to a drag brunch in my honor.

Open casket wake? Burial? Cremation?

I’m not invested in an open or closed casket but I would hope that someone who cares for me dresses my body and places me in my casket. That means a great deal to me. I absolutely do not want to be cremated. I want to be buried so I can return naturally to the ground.

Top 5 songs to play at your funeral?

Eeeep! Not sure! I think I would point my friends in the direction of some of my favorite albums and ask them to pick what resonates with them. So I would say, Neon Bible by Arcade Fire. Back to Black by Amy Winehouse, Rumors by Fleetwood Mac, anything ABBA, and anything from Bowie or Queen.

If you could live forever, would you want to? 

lol. Yes. I am endlessly fascinated by life and never have enough time to do and learn and create. My biggest regret will be that I couldn’t have just one more day.

Where do you think you go once you die

I really think this is it. I have passed out a few times and it’s not even “black”. It’s nothing, like a computer shuts off. One minute you are there and then you’re not. I mean when you faint you wake up and people are staring at you but I think when you die you just don’t wake back up.

If there is a heaven who are 3 people you would like to hang out with?

I really just want to see my family. I don’t think there is anyone in history who is nearly as cool or as awesome as we think they are. I don’t want to meet my heroes because I assume they’re just neurotic or self obsessed or insecure. I’d like to reserve all of that to see the weird people that made me and hear their adventures in life.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Oddly yes. Even though I said I think there is nothing. I do feel it’s possible that we are simply energy encased and energy released. And that maybe there is energy stuck here in the form of a ghost. But, I do find it suspicious that there are only Victorian ghosts and no present day style ghosts.

If reincarnation is real what do you want to come back as?

Hmmm. I haven’t ever really thought about that. I suppose I would want to come back as a human again. Although that’s a real roll of the dice request.

What are three words you hope people use to describe you when you are gone?




Biggest regret in life?

That I didn’t spend more time with my family

What are the top 3 things that helped you through grief?




What's the best advice someone gave to you?

Sadly I think I live my life the way I do because I never received any good advice and found the lack of it necessary to ensure that others had some.

What did you find helped you the most through the grieving process (mediation, friends, food...)?

Food lol

How was navigating the funeral home system and what’s your advice?

I was in mortuary school when my first “adult experience” of death happened so I sorta played mediator for my family and the funeral home which was nice and made things feel calm and easy.

If you were to give someone 1 piece of advice on grief what would it be?

It never goes away and that’s ok.



Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Sarah Tafoya

Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Sarah Tafoya

I prefer the idea of having people see me and spend time with my body, but really I think creating a safe space to allow people to navigate their own goodbye is important. Even though it is the end of my road, it’s an ongoing journey for everyone else I leave behind so I want to leave them in a graceful way. 
Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Caesar Bravo

Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Caesar Bravo

Do beautiful things and don’t tell anyone about it, like reading poetry in the park by yourself or watching the moon set into the ocean. It can never be taken from you.
Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Jenni Muldaur

Q&A: Death and Dying in the Modern Age- Jenni Muldaur